Grit, Grace, and Heavy Metal: The Girl Behind the Mask

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Well… here I go again.

I want to write. I want to put words out into the digital void... mostly so I don’t feel so alone, but also because I think there’s another girl out there who feels exactly like I do: stuck in a box that doesn’t quite fit.

I know, I know—I’ve spent my life feeling like I didn’t fit the mold, which is basically the tagline for every "blogger" or "influencer" to ever hit the internet. But for me, the mold was a survival tactic.

After tragedy hit at a young age, I felt the desperate need to be 1000% OKAY. I decided that "perfect" was the only acceptable way to cope. I got the grades, stayed at the top of my class, and never colored outside the lines. I didn’t rebel; I didn't sneak out; I performed.

But "perfect" is a heavy mask to wear. And eventually, you realize that the "perfect" box is not only pretty cramped but it's also really freaking boring! At my core, I just don't fit the mold I tried so hard to squeeze into and I am ready to fully step into the woman God created me to be.

The Realities (annnd the Contradictions)

I need the things in my life to actually support me—internally, emotionally, and physically—because the reality of my "chaos" looks a little something like this:

• The Soundtrack: I grew up begging my mom to let me see AC/DC. My heart beats to metal, rock and alternative music.

• The Spirit: I’m at church every Sunday and I’m chasing a daily study of my Bible—though, let's be real, I don’t get to it every single day.

• The Dirt: I run livestock and do accounting work for a local business. I have cows, but I’ll honestly cringe if you describe me as "country."

• The Grind: Between my 9-to-5, a side hustle, accounting work, and the cattle... I am busy. 

  
  

I am done trying to behave the way "perfect" people are expected to. If you're looking for a place to read about the drama of a stranger's life, or if you're just looking for some encouragement to take off your own mask, you're invited.

Welcome to the Unfinished chaos—there’s always a little bit of grace waiting for you here.